It all started on

Nov 19, Thursday: Cathy slept here in the house. Dinner was with Leahra. Drinking afterwards with Ico and the ladies. Done at 3am.

Nov 20, Friday: Made an appointment with Parekoy minus Boning at pantalan. Started at 11pm; done at 3am.

Nov 21, Saturday: Was invited by Ico to Loay to visit Chingoy. Upon passing Mcdo, there was heavy rains. Had 2 buckets at Bojol with Ico's friends. By 3pm, was on our way to Loay. Had 2 more grandes. Had dinner at Baclayon and many more grandes. By the time we got to Ico's place I was so jubog already and slept at the couch. Woke up at 1am and it was so quiet. Went home by myself at 3am.

Nov 22, Sunday: Ico said that session will be resumed. I went there at 5pm and was just chillin'. Then said we'll be going to Baclayon again. Wasn't in the mood to drink. Went home at 11pm. Then slept. Whew. Rest.

Nov 23, Monday: Alona texted me to visit them for Maribojoc's vesperas. I planned to go home. Dinner was served late. They taught me poker; as I was enjoying I forgot the time. Then it rained hard.

Nov 24, Tuesday: News was there was a typhoon that hit Bohol. Morning - I was so worried. Due to that, we had 2 grandes. Danyol's neighbor, Pating, invited us for lunch.. They talked and talked and talked until it was already dark. Then raining again..

Nov 25, Wednesday: Had a scare when I left Danyol's house. It was so dark. I'm just glad that father took my not coming home lightly.

As I was watching the news last night about Manny Pacqiao and the unknown woman (Krista Ranillo), I felt for Jinky. I hate Krista!!

Affected ko..

I was like her BEFORE. Not anymore.

I slept early tonight. Was awaken by a call - it was Lucky. Said his mom died today (cancer). Sad, I met her once and she didn't object on our relationship (he was 4 years younger, by golleh! hehe).

Then, I remembered US. How we were. He was a good kid, easy to talk to. I thought about the others - Lucky and I had more of something.

But if I had the power to turn back time, I wouldn't allow myself to be linked to Lucky due to the age - it is so not proper. I would also not just go out with any guy friends. I would prefer to hang out with the ladies. I would lessen my booze intake and just smoke occasionally. I would not be seen roaming the city at 3 in the morning.

Basically, I wanted to change my SOCIAL life/status.

Going back to Lucky, I hope he is doing ok.

I'm just wondering what our relationship would be if I acted differently. I vowed not to give in again to LG. But as I noticed, everytime that I am in a good mood, something bad (as a result of stupid actions) would follow. I told myself not to get too close to him again. Monday (Nov 9), he was supposed to get the money. That night, I was content in reading a book. He called, asked if he can eat - said just finished their drinking session. I told him beforehand that nothing like the past should happen. After he ate, he laid down on my bed. I continued reading on the other bed. I woke up with the room pitch dark, and he on my side. The rest -- shouldn't have happened!!!!

We moved to my bed after that. Sleep.. sleep.. I was awoken when he moved and tried to pull me to him. I resisted since I wasn't used to that treatment. I wondered after a split second, would our relationship be better if I hugged him?

By the way, when I say "relationship", I can't even figure out what I really wanted.

Anyway, we continued our sleep. Father woke me up; LG wanted to stay longer but I told him that I have to go to duty early. With that, it made me ask again, does he like to stay at my place or does he want to spend time with me longer (for a second round?) - he kept on saying that we'd go out of the house together and he'd drive me to duty. What happened on the other hand was he decided to go ahead. By the time he was out the gate, he didn't even bid goodbye or thanks. Then, no messages from him for the rest of the day.

Yesterday, he sent messages but it was regarding his business. Earlier tonight, he came here to get the money. The atmo was weird, I didn't like it. We didn't even talk-talk, just civil talk. Then he said he couldn't stay long. That really bothered me.

I am such a loser. Why does he come to me? But why can't he be mine?

Im just checking my mails when mother saw Cathy's daughter. Said she looked like me. Then continued saying "si Malou sauna, mao ni kinapinanggaan gikan ni Patski, Venancio.." My gulay! I feel so sorry for myself. I am such a loser.

Anyhoo, my week went like this:
* Nov 5, Wed: Jong's mother died. Wasnt able to vigil that night. Cathy dropped by.
* Nov 6, Thur: Went with Ico and Concon at Jong's. Had some beer. Went home around 3am.


* Nov 7, Fri: Met Leahra at Dao terminal. On our way to Sierra Bullones at 8 in the AM. Reached there at 11. A bit disappointed because we werent welcomed much and werent served as we hoped. Left at 4pm, arrived in the city at 7pm. Arthur picked me up at 8 for the Marlboro Red Night in ICM with Rocksteddy, The Dawn and Kamikazee. Jammed with Jan, Vincent, Jerams. Since they didnt serve beer, we went to Tachycardia. Home by 4am.. with flu.

November 3

1pm was the meeting time at Bohol Museum. I was so guilty because I talked back to my mother just to be able to attend the event. I got there at 2pm. We arrived in Panglao around 3pm. I had my period. Left Panglao at 5pm. I kayaked with John Rey. VERY NICE EXPERIENCE! I was able to cross the island merely by paddling. Around 7pm, Leahra and others arrived. Hours after, the drinking began. Was so drunk, puked, did something with Tot. I regretted the latter though; kept me wondering what he thought of me as a woman.

November 4

Left the island around 9am. It was Leahra's turn to paddle. In the middle of the islands, we swam. So cool! Reached the city minutes before lunch. Vincent texted that they'll be at Dao Diamond. Leahra and I  tambayed there. She had her interview while I stayed at Dao. By 4pm, we left for pantalan for our food trip. Had kwek-kwek, tempura, penoy for Leahra, ice cream, cooked canton. Then, we went to Dubap's place for sinugbang tolingan and some drinks. Got home at 11pm.

**scared to face my parents tomorrow**

I climbed the door
And opened the stairs
I said my pajamas
And put on my prayers
Then turned off my bed
And crawled into the light
All because you kissed me good-night

Next morning, I woke
And scrambled my shoes
Polished my eggs and
Toasted the news
I couldn't tell my left from right
All cause you kissed me good-night.

That evening, at last,
I felt normal again
I called up my mother
and picked up the phone
I spoke to my puppy
And threw my dad a bone
Even at midnight
The sun was still bright
All because you kissed me good-night

• Colt 45 at Bansoy's. Michael, Boning, Bansoy, Nicel
• visited a friend of Boning, his mother's death anniversary. Bansoy, Boning, Janri
  
• Tropics with Bansoy and Boning to meet their friends from high school: Ian, Ermac and one guy.. Ermac, so cute! [just disappointed that it seemed like they aren't interested]
• Arce, Gov, Leahra, Virna, Russel at Lazer - Arce's birthday (July 10)
• partttyyyy! saw Ico, Alde, Leizel.. Boning's friends went in too and it only proved that they weren't interested. I so regretted that I partied like an animal - I needed composure! Saw Bordik too, he saw me with Gov.. That night, I planned to ask him but by judging on his responses, he no longer wanted it - so sad =(

Yesterday, was just at home, related my vices and boys to Dindin. I then realized during the catharsis that what I was doing the past years were luod. I felt worthless. I let them do this to me, duelingadvice was right.

Went to Calape last night. We'll be on our way now to Danao: Arce, Gov, Bonbon, Marivel, Thea, Mama Ting.